A Magnolia's Heart Beats

Friday Funnies is hosted each week by Kim at Homesteader's Heart. I hope you'll join in and spread some funny!

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. For a quiz, she gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

Kids Say...

It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first grade kids (6 or 7 year-olds)!

* Strike while the ………insect is close.
* As you shall make your bed so shall you...........Mess it up.
* Never underestimate the power of…………ants.
* Don’t bite the hand that………………..looks dirty.
* Better to be safe than…………….punch a grade 7 boy.
* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…….stink in the morning.
* It’s always darkest before…………Daylight Saving Time.
* You can lead a horse to water but………..how?
* No news is…………………………….impossible.
* A miss is as good as a………………….Mr.
* You can’t teach an old dog new…………..maths.
* A rolling stone...........Plays the guitar.
* A bird in the hand is...........A real mess.
* Love all, trust………………………..me.
* The pen is mightier than the…………….pigs.
* An idle mind is…………………the best way to relax.
* Where there’s smoke there’s……………..pollution.
* Happy the bride who……………gets all the presents.
* A penny saved is……………………….not much.
* Two’s company, three’s…………………the Musketeers.
* Don’t put off till tomorrow what….you put on to go to bed.

* It's better to light one candle than to.............................Waste electricity.

* The squeaking wheel gets...........Annoying.

* There are none so blind as………………Helen Keller.
* Children should be seen and not………….smacked or grounded.
* If at first you don’t succeed……………get new batteries.
* If you can't stand the heat.............................Don't start the fireplace.
* You get out of something only what you……see in the picture on the box. * When the blind leadeth the blind……..get out of the way.
* Better late than……………………….pregnant
* We have nothing to fear but...........Our principal.
* To err is human...........To eat a muskrat is not.
* Early to bed and early to rise...........Is first in the bathroom.
* A journey of a thousand miles begins with a...........Blister.
* There is nothing new under the...........Bed.
* The grass is always greener...........When you leave the sprinkler on.
* Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and...........Someone yells, "Shut up!"

The Wife Who Forgot Her Husband's Birthday

There once was a wife who ALWAYS remembered her husbands' birthday. Each birthday she would greet him every birthday morning with "Happy Birthday!" It made him feel special. I think. She thinks, I mean. Eighteen years into their marriage, she woke up thinking about how fun it would be to keep the Grands this weekend. Snuggling with Nolie before bedtime and naptime, loving on Li Li's chubby self....and she was excited because she recently purchased 2 new Hooked On Phonics DVDs that featured Itsy Bitsy Spider and Pat-a-Cake to instill a love of reading and help them learn hand motions to their favorite songs and thought about that.

She said her prayers, got dressed for the day, kissed her husband bye as she walked out the door. A little later that morning her phone rang. Her phone is one of those fancy schmancy phones that has the date and time on it. She freaked. She forgot!

So I called my husband to wish him a "Happy Birthday" and he says, "Why, thank you! It is my birthday, isn't it?" I said, "Yes, I'm so sorry I forgot to mention it this morning. I love you." He pauses, "Who...wait a minute! I thought you were so and so from the office who always keeps up with our birthdays until you said I love you." "No, this is your wife!" I replied! Granted, I haven't had my coffee yet and I am nowhere near perky. We had a great laugh over it anyway.

Happy Friday! For more Friday Funnies head over to Kim at Homesteader's Heart. Be sure to link up and share your own!