In Pursuit of Proverbs 31 Bible Study Part 5 - Being A Wife Part 2

Amy writes,


1. Although we should have an overall vision for our life and marriage, each day should be focused on with the greatest intent.

Steve and I have a vision for our marriage. We have goals and dreams for the future and share many hopes for times to come. We are committed to our marriage daily and we can always count on each other to pray for our needs.

In the past, we did not have an overall vision for our life and marriage. We took each trial as it came, and it drove a wedge between us. Our marriage was run on emotion, not commitment.

Amy defines marriage below:

marriage: the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.

She reminds us of the truth that Steve and I have learned - marriage is a decision, not a feeling. Steve and I actually divorced because we did not have the right grasp on what a marriage truly was. When the going got tough, we quit. Fortunately, God brought us back together less than a year after our divorce was final. We remarried and divorce is no longer an option or part of our vocabulary. It's not used as a threat, and it's something we don't even consider. That's not to say we don't have our conflicts, but I rejoice when I say that after 17 years of marriage and with the nest now empty, our conflicts are almost non-existent. This is a truth because I have learned to submit to my husband, whether I feel like it or not.

We daily show our love to each other in the small things. He may bring me my favorite drink (a Diet Lipton Green Tea) without my even asking, or I may write a card for him to get well soon and sign it from Wilson (our dog).

When I ask Steve what he needs from me, he usually says, "Nothing. You're a great wife!" Sometimes I don't feel like that, but far be it from me to call my husband a liar. I notice the things that he does need and make an attempt to meet those needs before he even has to ask or do it himself. I love serving my husband in love.

From Phillipians 2 - my highlights...

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

I do have encouragement from being united with Christ and the things mentioned above, so I make it my mission to try to be one in spirit and purpose with Steve. This does not mean that I worship him. Just that I try to become one with him in a spirit of unity. I stand by my man!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

When I consider Steve's needs, I consider them above my own. What would he like for supper? What movie would he like to see? When would he like to be intimate {blush}.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!

I am not my husband's equal. He is the head of me, just as Christ is the head of him. I would never be labeled a feminist. I am not all about me - I am all about Steve (and God!)

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Steve is exalted to the highest place in our home, but God is exalted even above Steve. In human terms, my husband is king. I submit to him and confess that he is my physical head, just as I confess that Christ is Lord!

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn, but one I learned last Thanksgiving. I had to submit to my husband regarding who's relatives we would spend the majority of the day with. I wish I could say that I didn't argue or complain. I didn't verbally, but my non-verbal body language said it all. I learned that it was a hard decision for Steve to make, and this year I told him that whatever he wanted to do, I would support. He is considering our options and right now thinks we should go to the family reunion on my Dad's side, which is the last thing I want to do. But I will if that's what Steve wants.

For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.

Steve has proven that he has everyone's needs in mind, first of all Christ's, then mine, and on down the line. My interests lie in what's best for Steve (aside from Christ, of course!)

Amy points out,

2. Submission is not a dirty, four letter word.

I used to think it was! I was not about to be submissive to anyone. I was for the first 20 years of my life and the scars from emotional and verbal abuse are still healing today. But what I learned from God was that submission is not about abuse. It's not being your husband's doormat.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." ~ Ephesians 5:25-33

Amy writes:

God created man and woman, equally, in THEIR image (Genesis 1:26). God the Father and Christ the son are equal, however, God the Father is head of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:3) just as the husband is head of his wife (Ephesians 5:23). Christ is the head of man. Equality is not the same as authority. Authority does not give a husband a right to demand that his wife to do something that is outside of God's will because Christ has authority over him and has already given us the bible as a blueprint to live by. This authority when viewed through the eyes of Christ should cause us to welcome submission.

This is what I learned from the Bible, and what I learned from pastors as an adult. It's also what I learned from watching marriages where women were under the authority of their husbands. We should let our men be men and not try to be equal with them. God has created us uniquely and has a design for our marriage. When we follow it, our marriages work!

Amy also wrote:

A man surrendered to God will consider his wife's needs when makng decisions. However, if your husband makes a decision without you and it is not in direct contradiction to God's word then you should pray and ask God to intervene. If your husband is convicted and comes to you about it or if God gives you peace to approach him then you should discuss it. But you should still always respect to your husband.

Clearly, in the instance I mentioned above regarding where we were to spend Thanksgiving last year, I erred. I confessed it and repented. Steve had his reasons and I once I prayed about it I understood that I didn't have to like it, I just had to submit. It worked out well, because his parents health both failed this year and that was the last Thanksgiving we'll spend with them as a whole family together in their home. God always has a plan, and I'm so glad we did what we needed to do. Steve was humble enough to leave after a tiring day over there and drive with me over an hour to spend that evening and night with my family. It all worked out in the end. He didn't feel like going and I didn't push him, but because I had submitted to him, I was blessed by his kindness and gratitude.

Amy wrote:

For decisions that have to be made immediately, the husband is within God's full will to do so and he is ultimately responsible for decisions made on behalf of his family. A wife should be submissive in this situation. This should bring security instead of fear.

I let fear prevail last Thanksgiving, but no more. I have submitted to him 100% in everything since then, from decisions regarding finances to whether we should host a birthday party and have 30 guests in our home. I trust him and have security in his decisions.

Amy wrote:

When you submit to your husband you are submitting to Christ. This submission is for your protection. It is not to strip you of who you are or your full potential. That is lie from the pit of hell.

How true! It is for our own good that we submit to our husbands, just as our husbands submit to Christ!

3. Be so faithful to your husband that it is reflected in your speech.

I wrote on this last week, so I copied and pasted it here again because it does bear repeating.

We must build our husbands up and not fall into a pattern of husband bashing. We are not good wives when we do that, nor is it a God-honoring quality. How would we feel if we knew our husbands shared intimate details of our lives with other guys? "She is always nagging me to do this...she never wants to do such and such...she's puts the toilet paper on the holder the wrong way..." We would be mortified. We need to respect our husbands in the same way!

We should always be our husband's biggest fan, especially in his hearing. We need to build him up and speak positively about him to others. Not only is it a directive from God, but it's an esteem booster for our men.

I learned this lesson the hard way. A long time ago, I used my mother and sister as a sounding board for everything negative in my marriage. Our road was rocky and I said some things I shouldn't have. I nearly lost my relationship with my family because of it. It was so bad that my sister chose not to invite my husband to her wedding. I had a choice to make. How could I attend without him? And holiday events? Oh my! It took us a long time to get back to the place we were, God was faithful and I learned my lesson. My family now re-adores Steve, and I speak only the good and wholesome things about him, which there mostly are!

My husband is a great guy. He is my knight in shining armor, my best friend, my confidant, my lover, he can fix anything, build anything, and does kind things for me. My husband is the love of my life, and I want him to be well-liked by everyone. He's a great guy!

A word of warning, never join in on husband-bashing. It can creep into conversations before you know it.

Her: "My man never takes out the trash."
She: "Yeah, well mine leaves the toilet seat up *all* the time!"
I: "What is up with men? Can you believe mine won't even...."
She: "Yeah! I know! Last night my husband said...."
Her: "What a jerk, I asked mine to do the dishes and he said..."

And it is on, my friend. Instead, build him up. Walk away from conversations where other women begin to tear their men down, unless you intend to offer words of edification and steer the topic back toward the good that our husbands do, which I highly recommend.

Speak favorably about your husband and to him. Tell him what you admire about him. Text him or leave him love notes somewhere where he is sure to see them. My friend sent her husband a text the other day that said something to the effect of, "You will be the sexiest man today wherever you go." I thought that was cute! I think she texted him back later and said something like, "Look around....yep, still the sexiest..." I love it!

Be quick to say, "Thank you!" for even routine things he does around the house.

Tell your children what a great guy Daddy is. Ask them to think up one kind thing to do for him when he gets home because he's Daddy and he deserves it!

Can you tell I'm passionate about this point?

Focused Thoughts:

1. Although we should have an overall vision for our life and marriage, each day should be focused on with the greatest intent.


2. Submission is not a dirty, four letter word.


3. Be so faithful to your husband that it is reflected in your speech.

Scripture for Memory:
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Write It Down (or post it):
Be sure to record your revelation and thoughts in your bible, notebook, or let us all share in what you are learning and write a post about it and link it here! Share with us what God has revealed to you when were seeking Him.

Done - see above...and below...

For Study Purposes:

Study the word "authority" in the bible. Use a concordance. Record your findings.

From www.blueletterbible.org

(authority) occurs 37 times in 34 verses in the KJV

The OT Hebrew word for authority is toqeph, which means: 1) authority, power, strength, energy.

I found it interesting that it is a masculine noun!

In the Greek New Testament, authority has quite a few different words.

authenteō - 1) one who with his own hands kills another or himself
2) one who acts on his own authority, autocratic 3) an absolute master
4) to govern, exercise dominion over one

dynastēs - 1) a prince, a potentate 2) a courtier, high officer, royal minister of great authority

exousia - 1) power of choice, liberty of doing as one pleases a) leave or permission 2) physical and mental power a) the ability or strength with which one is endued, which he either possesses or exercises 3) the power of authority (influence) and of right (privilege) 4) the power of rule or government (the power of him whose will and commands must be submitted to by others and obeyed) a) universally 1) authority over mankind b) specifically 1) the power of judicial decisions 2) of authority to manage domestic affairs c) metonymically 1) a thing subject to authority or rule a) jurisdiction 2) one who possesses authority a) a ruler, a human magistrate b) the leading and more powerful among created beings superior to man, spiritual potentates d) a sign of the husband's authority over his wife 1) the veil with which propriety required a women to cover herself e) the sign of regal authority, a crown

exousiazō - 1) to have power or authority, use power a) to be master of any one, exercise authority over one b) to be master of the body 1) to have full and entire authority over the body 2) to hold the body subject to one's will
c) to be brought under the power of anyone

epitagē - 1) an injunction, mandate, command

katexousiazō - 1) to exercise authority, wield power

hyperochē - 1) elevation, pre-eminence, superiority 2) metaph. excellence

I would encourage you to do as I did and look up the verses for each of these meanings on authority. It's very informative to see them in context. to do so, go here and then click on the little folder tab that says, "LexiConc".

Sit down with your spouse and discuss your overall vision for your future together. What can you do on a daily basis to walk towards those goals?
Write down a list of at least 25 positive things you can say about your husband. Try to add things to it each day.

Steve and I will do this tonight!

Questions to ponder: Have you had previous misconceptions about submission? How has your thought pattern changed? Have you ever considered speaking to your husband about these misconceptions?

I discussed my misconceptions about submission above. My thought pattern changed when I read God's Word. Steve and I have had many discussions on submission in marriage and he has assured me that he will never do anything against the will of God intentionally and that he will never harm me, verbally or emotionally, when I submit to him.

Honesty - IOW Tuesday's

Lynette, at Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground, is the hostess of this week's In "Other" Words Tuesdays. Please be sure to stop by her blog and read her take on this week's quote, as well as the posts of the others who have shared.

“Friends, if we be honest with ourselves, we shall be honest with each other.” ~ George MacDonald ~

I find honesty refreshing. In a world where deception runs rampant, it's a trait I truly admire. We are actually commanded in God's Word to actually think on honest things.

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ~ Philippians 4:8 (KJV, Emphasis, mine)

One thing I enjoy doing is looking up what the original word means when used in the Bible. The greek word for honesty in this verse is semnos. It means:

1) august, venerable, reverend
2) to be venerated for character, honourable
a) of persons
b) of deeds

The word semnos is also used for the word grave, and the greek word semnos is used 3 other times in the New Testament. 1Timothy 3:8, 1Timothy 3:11, and Titis 2:2.

Look at what Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words has to say, "the word we want is one in which the sense of gravity and dignity is combined." Cremer describes it as denoting what inspires reverence and awe, and says that semnos and hosios, "holy, consecrated," are only secondary designations of the conception of holiness. "The word points to seriousness of purpose and to self-respect in conduct" (Moule)."

My prayer: Father, help me understand honesty and rightly convey my thoughts here in a way that ministers to other through encouragement and inspiration, and lessons learned from a lifetime ago.

Honesty with myself is something I have had trouble with all my life. From a very early age, I learned that dishonesty was, in fact, expected and a trait that was encouraged by both my parents. Denial and covering things up were my modus operandi. I gave some examples of the lying I did to cover up for him, but went back and deleted them because I don't want to be honest about how I was so dishonest back in the day, covering things up, believing the lies I told myself that it was my fault Daddy drank and Mother was so avoidant because she just didn't care.

Suffice it to say that growing up as a child of an alchoholic father left me with scars that made learning honesty with myself and others very hard.

I had parents who loved me very much and made sure I was in church every Sunday, whether they were there or not. More often than not, Mother was, Daddy wasn't. Daddy was a highly functioning alcoholic and Mother did care, she just stood by her marriage vows for as long as she could (they divorced after I was married) and are still close, though they are still divorced. Ironically, Daddy is a recovered alcoholic but he didn't recover until about 5 years ago. I love my father very much but I also have a lot of "issues" with him.

I still struggle today, but not with honesty. I do my best to emulate the qualities of honesty listed above. While I'm being honest, I'll share that my issues are with depression, which is under control with medicine, and I struggle with some chronic illnesses, such as IBS and fibromyalgia, though not on a daily basis. I do struggle with emotional insecurities, which I take to God daily or weekly or monthly. As I grow spiritually, I find I'm less insecure.

How did I reconcile the truth I learned about God on Sunday's and Wednesday's as a child with the lies I led at home?

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." ~ John 8:32 (NIV)

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." ~ Isaiah 55:6-11 (NIV)

"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place." ~ Psalm 51:6 (NIV)

Jesus became my Savior when I was about 14 years old, but He did not become my LORD until much later in my life. During an eight year period of prayer, I came to realize, as I was praying over another matter, that dishonesty and all the angst of the past were nailed to the Cross. Christ died for the heartache and sin in my life, and as I learned not to take them down from the Cross to wear again and again, He became my LORD.

God exchanged the dishonesty and bondage I was under for His grace and mercy and truth. I learned that I was not a horrible person. My father made his own choice to drink and be obnoxious, and no amount of lying on his part or Satan's can or does make me believe any longer that it was my fault.

I learned from God that I was not the daughter of an awful man, but one under an addiction that was stronger than he was. I began to see him with the love that God sees him with. I learned that even on the days that I beleived my father was just awful that I was the daughter of the King. I am a child of the Most High God.

I learned to accept the good things God's Word said about me and believed them. I let God tear down the walls of dishonesty the Enemy had fed me for so long and have come to see myself as a person of worth, beautiful in God's eyes. I do not say this pridefully, but with great humility.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." ~ 1 Peter 3:3-6 (NIV)

I try to have the beauty mentioned above. And now that I am honest with myself and have exchanged the lies I believed for the truth of God's love, I can speak the truth in love, not only to myself but to others.

I pray that you believe the good and honest things about yourself, and that by doing so, you can be honest and transparent with others. There are risks involved. Will others see you as weak? Maybe, but remember that God's grace covers all your weaknesses.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

It did mine. Years of therapy didn't teach me these things, although it helped. Reading God's Word and growing in the grace God so freely gives through Jesus Christ His Son is what allowed me to let the Holy Spirit work in my life to live an honest life.

H - Humble yourself before God and ask him for help to be honest with yourself.

O - Open your heart to share the truth of your testimony with others.

N - Never forget that you are a child of the Most High God; the Daughter of the King.

E - Expect a certain lack of understanding when you bear your inmost thoughts - it's hard to convey the matters of the heart.

S - Stay on the narrow path, living a life of honesty and integrity.

T - Trust God when you cannot trust others.

Y - Yield to God's Word and reject the lies of the Enemy.

Father, thank You for helping me make it through this post. I feel Your love now more than ever and I praise You for making honesty with myself something that feels good and not ugly. Thank You for Your beauty in grace and love. Thank You for being the Father I needed when my earthly Daddy couldn't. He tries so hard now, and I pray that You will give me grace toward him each day. It's hard.

Nonnie Got to Rock A Baby!

Tonight was the first time we have seen our newest grandson since the day after his birth. He celebrated his two week old birthday today at 3:20 p.m. and is 5 lbs., 5 oz. He goes back to the doctor tomorrow for a check-up and to get his weight checked. I'm guessing he's at least back up to 5 lbs., 9 oz. This child eats like there is no tomorrow! He was so cute! And tiny. But he knows when it's time to eat! He was supposed to eat at 8:00 and about 7:45 he started rooting for supper. Couldn't help him out, so I re-positioned him and then he sucked on my cheek! Is that not adorable? Newborn Baby Slobber - is there anything sweeter?!?

I'm partial, but is this not the most precious child? He's an absolute doll. He is perfect from hair follicles to toenails. Of course, I said the same thing about his older brother when he was born. I remain convinced that babies are PERFECTION.

When I say that Nonnie got to rock a baby, that's what I always tell my grandson when it's naptime or bedtime if he's at our house, or even if he's feeling bad. I'll say, "Let Nonnie rock a baby." In a gushy baby voice. He loves it. He's 13 months old. What else is he gonna do but love it when Nonnie rocks a baby? I'm praying Liam loves to be rocked, too. He did tonight!

Here are a few pictures for you to fawn over enjoy. I can't help it! I'm one proud Nonnie! My bonus daughter, son-in-law, and grandsons are important to me....they are a gift from God and I am reminded of the blessing of having children in my life even though there is no living fruit of my womb.

Grandchildren are the crown of the aged...(Proverbs 17:6 ESV)

Natalie is hosting At the Well this week. The topic is how our homes are an extension of who we are. Hop on over to her blog to read her thoughts on this subject, as well as the thoughts of the other ladies who have blogged on this topic. After you read my post, of course. (grin)

Our homes do reflect who we are. Are we messy, organized, obsessive-compulsive, tidy, just doing what needs to be done in our housekeeping? Just as we discussed in Keeper's At Home, we are to keep our homes in such a way that honors God.

Lately, I have been what is known as a slacker. I haven't felt well, so the floors haven't been vaccuumed, the kitchen, bathroom and foyer haven't been mopped, supper is rarely cooked (it's bought), and I went two weeks without washing the sheets. I've washed dishes and clothes and that's about it! Martha Stewart would faint if she walked in my house, although not before admiring my autumn candles and apple cinnamon plug-in's that make it smell like fall.

A bit about our home. The house had had just been built when we bought it about 15 years ago. It's in a subdivision in a suburb. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath one story house. It has a double carport, a nice patio and a perfectly sized front and back yard. When we bought it, there were no furnishings because no one had ever lived in it. Before we signed the closing papers, we went over one night and climbed through a window. Steve, Kristyn and I sat down on the floor where the table would go and at supper we had bought at Sonic. Our house became a home that night. We began with putting up blinds, and moved on from there. Over the years we have added our own special touches. Steve put chair railing in the den on a Saturday and we wall-papered from the chair railing down. We've changed the carpet in our den and bought a matching sofa and recliner. We have personalized the house to suit our preference in decor and needs. A tire swing was hung from a tree in the back yard, patio furniture was a gift, a matching bedroom set was purchased. It's comfy, it's cozy, and has bookshelves to die for.

Although the interior design of our homes may we reflect who we are outwardly, do they really reflect who we are spiritually?

In the Old Testament, specific laws were given on keeping the home. Mildew was potentially cause for a house to be condemned and it's owner to be declared unclean. I'm not kidding. Read about it here. When a person was considered unclean, there were major steps they had to go through to become clean again.

In the New Testament, we are instructed to be keepers of the home. I'm not kidding. Read about it here. Fortunately, we are under grace now, and when we slack as I have, we have a Father we can go to who can cleanse us and give us the opportunity for a do-over.

My home reflects love. You can see it in the handprints on the walls, the Gail Pittman bowl on the table that catches junk mail, the recliner that rocks the grandbaby, (grandbabies, I have to get used to saying that!) the pack and play in my Quiet Time Room (what doesn't belong here?), and the 3 bears laying throughout the house that the dog loves on. You can see it in the telescope in the pool room, where Steve keeps all things important to him, in the books stacked at various places throughout the house so I can pick one up and begin reading, you can see it on the back patio, where there is lamp oil for the torches so we can have light for our late night talks and keep the mosquitos at bay.

Love lives in my den, where on the hearth there is a silver pewter cross on a stand and above the mantle a picture of a Lamb sitting on a crown of thorns. Excellent conversation pieces!

Love lives in the kitchen, where meals are prepared in the oven and microwave, where the dishes that are in the sink are proof that the food was good because the plates are empty. Love lives in the echoes of the kitchen where a 13 month old grandson runs through screaming, "Ayyyyyyyyyyy!" because he has found his voice.

Love lives in the recliner, where daily devotionals, Bible reading, and much prayer is given to the Lord.

Natalie asks, "How does your home reflect who you are?"

"Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."

~ John 14:23

My answer? Through the love that lives in it.

Feeling blessed and humbled today...I'm over at LauraLee's...


May you be drawn one heartbeat closer to our Savior by the testimony I share...

I've heard this song every time I have been in the car this week! Please note: if you have small children you might want to move them away while the video plays as the crucifixion scenes are extremely graphic...

Perseverance, Trials, and the Crown of Life

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." ~ James 1:12 (NIV)

Trials

As Christians, we persevere under some pretty heavy trials to our thinking. Oh, some may be easy-breezy in the grand scheme of things, such as when we endure long lines at the local Walmart, or waiting in a doctor's office for 2 hours to be seen for 5 minutes, given a shot and some prescriptions and sent on our merry way. Some aren't so easy-breezy, being up all night with a sick child, strong disagreements with friends or family, getting a diagnosis with the word "terminal" in it. Then there are the trials where loved ones are lost and we're left feeling a big gaping absence from the space they filled in our lives. There are trials more severe where we are persecuted for the sake of Christ, where our beliefs are questioned or misconstrued, where we are labeled and mocked because of our faith. There are even trials that Christians go through where they are martyred because of their faith in God. In some countries people are persecuted because they refuse to renounce the name of Christ. (That puts my trials in perspective.)

The trials mentioned in James 1:12 come from the greek word peirasmos, and are defined as:

1) an experiment, attempt, trial, proving
a) trial, proving: the trial made of you by my bodily condition, since condition served as to test the love of the Galatians toward Paul (Gal. 4:14)
b) the trial of man's fidelity, integrity, virtue, constancy
1) an enticement to sin, temptation, whether arising from the desires or from the outward circumstances
2) an internal temptation to sin
a) of the temptation by which the devil sought to divert Jesus the Messiah from his divine errand
3) of the condition of things, or a mental state, by which we are enticed to sin, or to a lapse from the faith and holiness
4) adversity, affliction, trouble: sent by God and serving to test or prove one's character, faith, holiness
c) temptation (i.e. trial) of God by men
1) rebellion against God, by which his power and justice are, as it were, put to the proof and challenged to show themselves

I was captivated by this definition: adversity, affliction, trouble: sent by God and serving to test or prove one's character, faith, holiness. Does God test our faith? Does He test our character? I never thought so. I thought God didn't test anyone, that He was all about love, but when I thought about Job and what He went through, thought I might be wrong. I think I am wrong. I think He does test us, based on the definitions and verses used above.

Edit: When I originally posted this, someone pointed out that God's Word says He cannot be tempted and does not tempt. This led me to want to clarify that I do believe God's Word and I don't believe that He tempts us in a bad way - sinfully or in an evil way.

Temptation and testing are two different things, although they may feel the same at times. We need to be aware:

"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;" ~ James 1:13 (NIV) (Emphasis, mine)

The word used here for tempted, tempting and tempt is a different greek word, peirazō, which means:

1) to try whether a thing can be done
a) to attempt, endeavour
2) to try, make trial of, test: for the purpose of ascertaining his quantity, or what he thinks, or how he will behave himself
a) in a good sense
b) in a bad sense, to test one maliciously, craftily to put to the proof his feelings or judgments
c) to try or test one's faith, virtue, character, by enticement to sin
1) to solicit to sin, to tempt
a) of the temptations of the devil
d) after the OT usage
1) of God: to inflict evils upon one in order to prove his character and the steadfastness of his faith
2) men are said to tempt God by exhibitions of distrust, as though they wished to try whether he is not justly distrusted
3) by impious or wicked conduct to test God's justice and patience, and to challenge him, as it were to give proof of his perfections.

We must remember that God is love and would never tempt us in a sinful way.

End edit.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." ~ 1 John 4:16 (NIV)

Whatever trials we face in our lives, we can do so with the knowledge that God loves us.

Perseverance

Perseverance, or hypomenō, is defined as:

1) to remain
a) to tarry behind
2) to remain i.e. abide, not recede or flee
a) to preserve: under misfortunes and trials to hold fast to one's faith in Christ
b) to endure, bear bravely and calmly: ill treatments

Who would want to remain or tarry in trials? Perhaps those who are waiting on an answer from God, no matter how long it takes. Those who are fighting illness and those who are standing strong, not willing to run when the going gets tough. Take heart, though. Our lives are lived on earth for just a very short period of time compared to the eternal life we will live in Heaven.

Perseverance during trials is definitely a faith-building time. While you are waiting on God's deliverance, your faith can grow through prayer, reading His Word, praying His Word, and perhaps fasting.

The Crown of Life

God has promised the crown of life to those who have endured trials. What is this crown of life?

The Crown of Life is specifically awarded to people who remain steadfast to the gospel of Christ, despite their persecution. Could it also refer to eternal life? I believe the promise of James 1:12 means that it could, indeed because of the tense of the verb. It's a future tense.

Whatever your trials are, I would encourage you to stand firm. Trials are unique to each of us, for we face them in different ways and on different levels. My encouragement is to endure them as calmly as you can, relying on God to rescue you, as He did Job. He will not allow you to suffer more than you can bear. He always provides a way out for deliverance.

"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it." ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13 (MSG)

And at the end, we will be given the Crown of Life. What a precious gift to receive. And what will be done with the crowns we receive?

"Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." ~ Revelation 4:9-11 (NIV)

Father, precious are You in our sight. As we endure the trials we go through on earth, give us the strength to persevere through each one for Your glory and honor, not our own. Thank You for the promise of the reward of the Crown of Life to those who are persecuted and endure for Your Name's sake. I pray that you will receive all glory, honor and power both now and when the crowns are cast at Your feet. Amen.

Friday Funnies is hosted by Kim at Homesteader's Heart. Please visit her blog for more jokes and to participate. I love this light-hearted meme! Thanks, Kim!

Here are my 2 contributions for today....

R.I.P.

When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.

I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.

I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.

I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.

When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years."

Life After Death

A boss asked one of his employees, "Do you believe in life after death?"

"Yes, sir," replied the new employee.

"I thought you would," said the boss. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"


Happy Friday, ya'll!

Welcome to Thankful Thursday, hosted by Iris of Grace Alone... please visit her blog and join in this wonderful meme.

This week's theme is joy. Iris chose a wonderful verse.

“And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord.” ~ Psalm 27:6 (ESV ~ emphasis Iris')

The joys of my week include....

Going to the doctor on Monday and getting a shot and some good meds that have me on the mend. Although I am still rattling and coughing, I do feel better! Unfortunately, I have shared it with Steve, who called the doctor today and is now on antibiotics.

Liam's (my newborn grandson) jaundice level is down to a 9 - he's getting rid of it on his own and he's gained 2 oz. so he weighs a whopping 5.5 lbs.

Nolan, my 13 month old grandson, remembers his Nonnie. When I talked to him on the phone (I haven't been around him since the day after Liam was born because I've had The Plague) yesterday, Kristyn said he smiled and danced.

My grandmother, in her Alzheimer's had a moment of lucidity and commented that we will have 2 new babies at Christmas this year.

My husband's telescope came in yesterday and he got it all assembled with very little trouble. Pictures this weekend!

I got started back on my Quiet Time this morning. I neglected the Lord while I was sick except for some sporadic prayers. I fell out of the habit of doing daily devotions and I missed it so much. My cup overflowed as I filled up on His Word and His forgiveness.

Steve woke up early and we had time to go to breakfast together before work. That was great!

I started back to work today after being sick. Working for the state has definite bonuses when it comes to being sick. Leave is a wonderful thing to have, and excellent co-workers and supervisors who understand are awesome!

My cousin Brooke's MRI showed some worsening of her moya-moya, and she'll have to go back to a neurosurgeon (she had brain surgery 10 years ago) for a consult. We are finding joy that she's done well this long and continues to hang in there by God's strength. She also has rhematoid arthritis and had a huge hole repaired in her heart not too long before the brain surgery. She's 21 years old and is a trooper!

I got a comment from Lysa TerKeurst on one of my blog posts from today! That made my day! She's a busy woman, and to know that she takes the time to visit the blogs of those who visit her is humbling and precious to me.

I was honored and humbled by two awards from dear friends Twinkle Mom of Sunflower Faith and Denise of Shortybear's Place. I love them both dearly and am so grateful for their sweet awards.

Blogging - I love it. My heart beats to serve Christ and I can see yours does, too, in the posts that I read. I love reading your blogs and your comments on mine always bring me joy.

I could go on and on, praising the Lord! When I first started typing this post, I thought, what joy have I had this week? I've been sick, I haven't seen my week old grandson since he was 2 days old, my new nephew either, and I'm sad about those things, but truly the joy of the Lord has been my strength, even when I didn't realize I had it in me earlier this week!

When you start praising God, all the bad just seems to go away!

What are you Thankful for this Thursday?

Blessings & Love,

Awards Day

I am the recipient of 2 new awards. I am completely humbled. I feel the love!

First, Denise, of Shortybear's Place, has blessed my heart with the "A Perfect Blend of Friendship" award.



Do I deserve it? I try to give trust, kindness, honesty and caring deeply to my friends. I feel like I fall short, but I'm going to say, "Thank you," graciously and feel the love. It's precious to me, Denise. Thank you.

Now this award isn't just any award, it comes with a questionnaire.

1. Do you have the same friends since childhood? No, I don't. I have lost touch with them. We moved and I lived in such an unstable enviornment growing up that I guess I didn't make lasting friendships. I would love to reconnect with one of my friends that I had in junior high. Her name was Deanna D. She was awesome to me and her love for her Savior gave me much to think about after visits to her house. I tried to reconnect with a friend who I knew from about age 8 - 14. When I did, I found out she was a stripper. We just didn't have that much in common. The conversation was awkward and I never got around to calling her back.

2. What do you value most about your friends? The qualities mentioned in this award, trust, kindness, honesty and caring. And above all, love. Respect is another value I have, as well as our common love for God.

3. Are your friends your sounding boards? Not so much. I use God and my husband for that, although I do have a sister in Christ that knows me pretty well, as I know her. Sometimes we just have to have a good vent and trust that it's not going to go beyond our space. And we always pray about the things we discuss. That's key if you use a friend for a sounding board.

4. What is your favorite activity to share with your friends? Lots of laughter, prayer requests, sharing about our families and the matters on our hearts.

Now to pass this on to five friends.........

1. Melanie - The Fruits of the Spirit

2. Cheryl - Hope for Each Day

3. Susan - Forever His

4. Tracy - My Cup Runneth Over

5. Esthermay Bentley - The Heart of a Pastor's Wife

Also, Twinkle Mom, of Sunflower Faith, has gifted me with the following award.

Sunflower Faith's blog is full of great teaching, and I am humbled that she thinks mine is, also! How sweet is that?

Those who teach me something all the time....

1. Amy Bayliss - In Pursuit of Proverbs 31

2. Laurie - Women Taking a Stand

3. Lori - I Will Take It Lord...All You Have to Give

4. Laura Lee - Laura Lee's Lifesong

5. Tracy Berta - Thirsty for Him

Because I hate to leave anyone out, and consider all of you who read my blog friends and know that you always teach me something, please snag these awards and share the love across blogland.

I rejoice at the sisterhood of faith I have found here, and want to share the love.

IPOP31 Bible Study Part 5 - Being A Wife

Please join in this excellent study! Amy Bayliss is leading it on her blog, and it's wonderful. I have grown so much and learned so much from this.

This week's study came at just the right time! I just got back from lunch with a friend. Our subject of conversation? Our husbands and our love for them! Who knew God was preparing me for this particular study? God knew!

Words of Amy in green.

1. Our relationship with our spouse is parallel to our relationship with the Lord. God has many times compared His relationship to the body of Christ to the relationship between a husband and wife.

Letting our hearts conform to God's will in our love for our husbands is a must. Sometimes we have to remember that love is a verb. We must choose love and we must choose respect for them, separate from our emotions. When we operate off emotions, rather than God's commands, we are surely in for trouble!

Amy shared this verse:

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" ~ Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)

then asked us to, "Read 1 Corinthians 13 and John 14. Be sure to highlight any that stand out to you and be sure to take notes."

From 1 Corinthiains...

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (Lord, don't let me be that to my husband. Let me speak words of life and respect to him.) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (What wonderful promises we have about love. We must choose to bear these fruits of love by not being impatient, unkind, envious, prideful, arrogant, selfish and being historians of the fights we have.)but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. (Father, you are my perfection. You are in the center of our marriage, and I pray any imperfection continues to disappear over the years. 17 years of living together in marriage has brought us to a point to where we really don't have many issues crop up, but when we do, it's comforting to know You are able to make the imperfection disappear.) When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. (As a woman of God, help me be mature in my love for Steve.) And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (And a great thing it is, Lord. We have seen faith and hope in our marriage. We still have that, but love does remain!)

From John 14

I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. (Father, I ask for You to continue to be at the center of our marriage. Be with me and help me be the best wife I can be to my dear one. I have the faith!) "If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." (I do love You, so I will be obedient, Lord. Thank You for sending Your Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth, to watch over us in our marriage and in our lives. Let Him shine through me to Steve and my family and into the world...)

2. Love does not need to be felt in order to exist. It is an action.

Feelings do not need to precede your actions of love toward your husband whether it be an issue of respect, prayer, sex, or lack thereof. They are things we must do and then the feelings follow. God once told me in regards to lifting my hands in worship. "You don't have to feel it to do it. You have to do it to feel it." This has proven to be so true in so many things of God. It is as simple as making a conscience decision: "Lord, I don't feel that I have respect, or reverence for my husband but I want to. Please conform my heart." Then act on it.

Totally loved this point. There are things in our marriages, sacrifices, I call them, that we as wives must do to feel. We must be willing to be obedient to God's commandments toward how we are to love our husbands. Once we are, the feelings will come. Obedience is not passive. It's very active participation in response to God's calling.

3. Prayer is a key to a long lasting, God filled marriage.

Many times we see our spouse as a source of happiness. "If he would just do this then I would be happy." This is also led by feelings but can be solved with communication to God. I want to take this subject matter and use it as an opportunity to express another point: If you have an issue with your spouse, you have no right to speak of that issue to anyone else if you have not taken it to God in prayer and then your spouse. You are your husband's helpmate. It does not help him if you do not pray on his behalf, not consult with him, or worse, gossip about him to others.

I could not agree more with this! We must lift our husbands up in prayer. As their wives, we are responsible for meeting so many of their needs. Intercessory prayer is one of those needs. We need to pray about every aspect of our husband's life. His thought-life, his friends, his words, his deeds, his walk with God, how he uses his time, his work, everything about our husbands that we see manifested we need to cover in prayer. We can be so pro-active in this. Do you feel comfortable praying with your husband? Steve and I don't often pray together, but when we do, we agree we should more often. I'm going to ask him tonight if we can start praying together before we leave for work each day. Wish me luck!

I also love what Amy mentioned about not speaking about issues inside the marriage and gossiping about it with others. We must build our husbands up and not fall into a pattern of husband bashing. We are not good wives when we do that, nor is it a God-honoring quality. How would we feel if we knew our husbands shared intimate details of our lives with other guys? "She is always nagging me to do this...she never wants to do such and such...she's puts the toilet paper on the holder the wrong way..." We would be mortified. We need to respect our husbands in the same way!

We should always be our husband's biggest fan, especially in his hearing. We need to build him up and speak positively about him to others. Not only is it a directive from God, but it's an esteem booster for our men.

I learned this lesson the hard way. A long time ago, I used my mother and sister as a sounding board for everything negative in my marriage. Our road was rocky and I said some things I shouldn't have. I nearly lost my relationship with my family because of it. It was so bad that my sister chose not to invite my husband to her wedding. I had a choice to make. How could I attend without him? And holiday events? Oh my! It took us a long time to get back to the place we were, God was faithful and I learned my lesson. My family now re-adores Steve, and I speak only the good and wholesome things about him, which there mostly are!

My husband is a great guy. He is my knight in shining armor, my best friend, my confidant, my lover, he can fix anything, build anything, and does kind things for me. My husband is the love of my life, and I want him to be well-liked by everyone. He's a great guy!

A word of warning, never join in on husband-bashing. It can creep into conversations before you know it.

Her: "My man never takes out the trash."

She: "Yeah, well mine leaves the toilet seat up *all* the time!"

I: "What is up with men? Can you believe mine won't even...."

She: "Yeah! I know! Last night my husband said...."

Her: "What a jerk, I asked mine to do the dishes and he said..."

And it is on, my friend. Instead, build him up. Walk away from conversations where other women begin to tear their men down, unless you intend to offer words of edification and steer the topic back toward the good that our husbands do, which I highly recommend.

Speak favorably about your husband and to him. Tell him what you admire about him. Text him or leave him love notes somewhere where he is sure to see them. My friend sent her husband a text the other day that said something to the effect of, "You will be the sexiest man today wherever you go." I thought that was cute! I think she texted him back later and said something like, "Look around....yep, still the sexiest..." I love it!

Be quick to say, "Thank you!" for even routine things he does around the house.

Tell your children what a great guy Daddy is. Ask them to think up one kind thing to do for him when he gets home because he's Daddy and he deserves it!

Can you tell I'm passionate about this point?

Focused Thoughts:

1. Our relationship with our spouse is parallel to our relationship with the Lord. God has many times compared His relationship to the body of Christ to the relationship between a husband and wife.


2. Love does not need to be felt in order to exist. It is an action.


3. Prayer is a key to a long lasting, God filled marriage.

Scripture for Memory:

1 John 4:12 (NIV) No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

Write It Down (or post it):

Be sure to record your revelation and thoughts in your bible, notebook, or let us all share in what you are learning and write a post about it and link it here! Share with us what God has revealed to you when were seeking Him.

Done! See above.

For Study Purposes:

Study the word "love" in the bible. Use a concordance. Record your findings.

The word love

...is used 280 times in the KJV

...is used 508 times in the NIV

...is used 580 in the NLT

There are 40 entries in the Hebrew and Greek lexicon that match "love". Their meanings range from human love for another, includes family, and sexual, to human love for God, to be attached to, long for, desire.

The greek word philandros is the word used for loving her husband in Titus 2:4 (NIV) - "Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,"

Pray for your spouse throughtout the day. Ask God to remind you if you can't remember. I love praying for my husband, and I need to remember to pray for him constantly.

Questions to ponder: Have you ever consulted with a friend or family member about your marriage before you spoke with God about it? How did that work out and what have you learned from it? If yes then how will you do things differently in the future? See above. I learned a lot from my mistakes, and I pray you will, too.

Again, I encourage you to join in this study. It's awesome! Thank you, Amy, for hosting it and for putting so much time into it. I look forward to the next session.