Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Psalm 40:1-3: I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.
At some point in our lives I am sure that we, as Christians, have felt God lift us out of the throws of depression. I can really identify with what David, a man after God's own heart, wrote in this Psalm. From waiting patiently, to the slimy pit, feeling God turn to me, lifting me up, working me up out of the mire, and planting my feet on a firm place to stand, I can honestly say that over the last few days I have gone through all of these things. 
You see, for the past few days I have been depressed, down, feeling as though I were sinking just a little bit at the time. Yesterday, especially, was a very depressing day for me.  6 years ago I gave birth far too soon to Sydney Michele.
While I am confident our angel is in heaven and I know one day I will have the chance to hold this sweet baby in my arms, this year was particularly rough. Usually it's not quite this bad. Could it be because I would be shopping for school clothes and school supplies, making ready to send our angel on a lifelong journey to learn? That's certainly a milestone in a child's life and most surely a parent's. Or that I could have been planning a birthday party? I'm just not sure why it was so rough this year. At any rate, I have felt "stuck in the mire" down for a few days. I have missed my baby. How my arms have ached to hold that child! God blessed me beyond belief by even giving me the privelege and allowing me to carry our angel for the short time I was able to. 
This time of the year I feel Him, my Heavenly Father, closer and closer to me. I begin sinking in the mud, the slimy pit of depression about a week before the baby's birthday (or the date of the miscarriage).  
As a Christian, my hope is in God. This means that I know beyond a doubt that this sinking feeling is just that. God will turn to me and hear my pleas for "feeling back to normal." I feel the loss of our child but think of the blessings of my life and just like most children, for I am a child of God, I hold up my arms to God and let Him free me from this mucky, slimy pit of depression and lift me out of it, placing me gently on a firm foundation, the truth of His Word. 
Once again, I praise Him. I testify to how I feel so dark, so lost, so stuck, yet waiting patiently for the Lord. And He does come. Sometimes I feel Him later rather than sooner, but I stick it out. I know my God will show up to save me from the pits of depression.  God works me out of the muck and plants me on the Rock, the firm foundation of His Word, bringing me from darkness into light. I will sing of His mercy and love, I will share His might and His strength. 
Be encouraged, friends and loved ones. No matter what you are going through just stand there, looking up for God. He'll come. Hang in there and hold your arms up to Him. Let Him work you loose from the muck of the slimy pit, for He is far stronger than anyone, especially our own selves, and is our only way out of that pit.   When He grasps our outstretched arms and moves us from the slimy pit to the firm place we are to praise Him.
Thank you, God, for giving me strength to wait patiently for you to lift me out of the pit. I praise You for not leaving me alone, and I offer my thanksgiving and love to You for placing my feet back on firm foundation. Help me to dust myself off as I go back on my way through another year. May the years become easier and easier, but if this is the way that You have in mind for me to re-acknowledge Your love and presence and that You only are my Helper, then I don't mind getting stuck in the mud. I know You'll always show up to pick me up and put me back on the firm foundation, oh, Lord.  And thank you for the strong network of support you have given me.  A loving husband, mother, sister, father.  Thank you, Lord.  You are worthy to be praised, indeed.