Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Happy Birthday, Sydney Michele.  I love you and I miss you.  Daddy and I were talking last night about how lucky you are to have such a wonderful family in heaven.  From Paw Paw, who wasn't alive to see the twins born, to Uncle Todd, who had to leave his baby here on earth to come home to Heaven, you have a whole host of angels who love you.  I bet they are fighting over who will play with you next!  How do you like Uncle Wimpy?  Don't tell any of the other uncles and aunts that are with you, but Uncle Wimpy was my favorite and I bet he's yours, too! 
If we didn't have God in our lives we would be just sick over losing you and I would have to just lay right down and die.  What hope would we have for you?  I know that you are in Heaven.  I have no doubt that when Daddy and I come to Heaven, too, we will see you and hold you in our arms.  Don't worry about me.  I'm doing fine, honey.  You were the baby that I prayed for and even though I never got to hold you, you were such a blessing in my life.  I feel comforted by the fact that I was given you even for a short time to feel and love.  For whatever reason, God chose to let you come live with Him in Heaven, and although I would have given my life at one time to let you live, I do understand that it is what it is.  God needed you more up there than I did in this crazy world we live in down here.  He is providing for you far better than your Daddy and I ever could. 
Around this day of the year such a wide range of emotions overwhelm me.  I go from aching to hold you to abundant joy that you are in Heaven.  I go from crying to laughing.  I go from feeling empty to feeling abundantly full.  It's so hard to explain, Sydney.  I love you so much.  God has not given us any other children and I am fine with that.  You were enough.  I tried for so long to have you and other babies, but eventually I realized that I had to stop trying for what God was not going to allow me to have. 
I'm so content in my life right now.  Daddy and I are very happy.  We have a good life on earth and have our hope in Jesus, our Lord and Savior.  You know what our lives are like on earth.  We go to work, we come home, we spend time together with our family....we're happy.  I have some wonderful friends I met just because of you, honey.  Thank you so much for coming into my life even for such a short period of time.  You helped me meet my best friend in the whole wide world! 
I do miss you but I know that everything is alright and as it should be.  Who am I to question why God took you?  I wonder sometimes, but I know that it's not for me to question so I try to focus on something else. 
Today you would be six years old. 
Next year you will be 7.  I love you, honey, and want you to know that not a day goes by when you aren't in my thougths at one moment or another.  I love you and I miss you and I pray that God would keep watch over you.  Don't go crossing those streets of gold alone without holding on to a big angel's hand, okay, little angel? 
Until next year, Sydney.