It reinforced the belief (at the time) that since I didn't have children I was doomed to be an outcast forever. It hurt. I was shocked at the lack of love shown since we had just come from a church with no youth group to a larger one for Kristyn to be a part of. When I would get to the sanctuary before Steve, I would sit in the pew and watch all the women who had either grown up together or had children the same ages in the same schools all congregate up at the front of the church and it would break my heart. When Steve was with me things were so different. We were welcomed by the men and their wives. But when I was alone, even a woman I considered a good friend (we visited together outside almost every night for a few years) would walk up the aisle, lay her hand on my shoulder, and join the women up front.
I did try to participate in the group, but I didn't fit in. How do you contribute to conversations about teething and immunizations when you just don't know? I'd try to change the subject but it came back to children. I was glad I made the effort, though. Remaining impassive will leave you wondering. The fact was that I just did not belong. Eventually I just stopped going. Some of the men called Steve. None of the women called me. Not even the one I hung out with outside of church. We still hung out together but she never mentioned our not going. Funny thing: I invited her to the church. How strange is that? She had children and fit right in.
It's important to note that sometimes we are overlooked because of an attitude or behavior we display, so I did a self-check. I am well-liked at work. I don't cuss, I pretty much know when to keep my mouth shut, and I don't dress out of the norm. I am a nice person. I don't smell. I am not sure why, other than the fact that perhaps they thought infertility was catching, I was excluded. I wasn't excluded at any other church I had ever attended. I moved on. It's also important to note that I'm not blasting women in the church. Not even the women in that church. Maybe they didn't even realize they were excluding me. Maybe I just wasn't a fit for their group. It's not something I ruminate on and stew about. In fact, today is the first time I thought about it in a long time, but I have to say that it still stings.
What can you do as a Titus 2 woman, to be sure you don't overlook the important things (or people) in your life?