Friday, September 05, 2008

Friday Funnies - hosted by Kim at A Homesteader's Heart

Power Outage During a Mammogram

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then I felt a zap!

Complete darkness and the power went off!

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door."Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh , yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...

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10 comments:

Denise said...

Thanks for making me smile, love you.

Homesteader in Training said...

Oh Laurie Ann thank you so much for that one. That would be my luck lol.
Thanks for linking up my friend.
Blessings to you!

Kristi said...

As if mammograms weren't awful enough already! That was so funny I nearly hurt myself. HFAC means holy (as in holy cow) flippin' animal crackers. I'd never heard of that one either until Rachel's Poppie texted that to her. Have a blessed weekend. I missed you yesterday. I just couldn't get my TT list together in time. Maybe I will find my groove w/ school soon!

LauraLee Shaw said...

Oh, I am doubled over!!!! That is so funny!!!!

Please tell me this isn't a true story!

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

Laurie,
I'm with Lauralee, that didn't really happen did it??????????
OHMIGOSH... I am "due" in November for mine... geewhiz thanks....! I was already DREADING IT... and NOW!???!!! ohboyohboy! COULD YOU IMAGINE?
WHEN I GO, IM GONNA ASK IF MY MACHINE has an EJECT button JUST IN CASE! THIS THOUGHT is going to haunt my brain for TWO MONTHS Laurie! ;)
Later gater,
Lea

Kathy C. said...

Oh my! LOLOLOL - too funny. Yuppers, gotta love those Mammos. :)

Amydeanne said...

LOL that's hilarious!

LAURIE said...

Laurie Ann...that is just hilarious! (but wouldn't be if it happened to one of us!!!) Have a great weekend! -Blessings, Laurie

Erica said...

That is absolutely hilarious and very sad at the same time. I couldn't stop laughing.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Once I had one and just as the tech went behind the machine, the Black Eyed Peas "Let's Get it Started" began playing. Totally humiliating.