Friday, August 08, 2008

Forgive Me Friday

Proverbs 29:11 says, ""A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

Psalm 4:4 says, "In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Selah."

How do you handle anger? I handled it very badly yesterday. I gave full vent to it and did not keep myself under control. I sinned big time in some words that I said. I did not use love to cover up a multitude of sins poured out by my father who had so angered me.

If your sister called you and told you that your father accused your sister of trying her best to kill her unborn son just because she called and asked for some paper towels so she could sit down on the floor and wipe out the bottom cabinets in her kitchen, What would you say? How would you feel? How would you comfort her sobbing and heartbreak at his accusation that Mother killed their first child (she was 7.5 mos. pregnant)?

If your father accused your mother of murdering their son because she reached above her head to get a bowl down from the top of the cabinet and the next thing he knew, she had killed his son, in front of a friend, what would you do, besides thank God that it was "only" your best friend and not a whole group of others who may not know "how Daddy is"? What would you say? How would you feel?

I felt like I was going to be ill. I was ashamed. And I cussed twice! Not to his face, though. I just nodded and took the venom he spewed at me, not standing up for my mother, half-heartedly standing up for my sister. I was basically blown out of the water that he would make such a statement. How could mother reaching for something in a cabinet cause her to miscarry? It didn't. The doctor told her he didn't know what happened. That was way back in the day. I don't know what year our brother was born into Heaven. I was born in '70 and my parents have an older daughter who is 3 years older than me. My sister is almost 13 years younger than me. (Surprise!)

The full vent to my anger part came from sharing with H, she of the post. Also vented to my sister and my mother and majorly vented to my husband.

I confessed it to God, forgave Da Chief (affectionate name for my dad) and have been really praying that God would show me how to love him as He loves him. I want to. I am working on it.

My dad is the only issue in my life where I can go from The Good Christian to Livid Laurie Ann from zero to sixty just like that. Did I mention that I am an adult child of an alcholic? A recovered alcoholic, PTL, but not before the damage was done and the family was scattered.

The words he said yesterday were the worst I can ever remember him saying, and I was totally humiliated that he said them in front of Harriett. It hurt more than when he and his oldest daughter told me when I was was growing up that I was crazy and needed to be institutionalized but he still loved me anyway. I don't remember that exactly, but I saw it on a chart from my psychiatrist's office a few years back. I was not crazy and did not need to be institutionalized. I needed a normal childhood. But this is not about that. Just giving background on the hurtful things he can say and do.

What I'm doing now is an evaluation of my heart. Based on my 2 cuss words yesterday (not the BIG one, they were little, but they were still cuss words), my heart is rotten to the core!

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." - Luke 6:45
So on anger...

Are you silent when you're angry?

How do you handle it when someone "gets your biscuit"? Makes you boiling mad?

And makes you feel like a hypocrite?


LAURIE said...

Laurie Ann,
Thank you for sharing from your heart and for not trying to be something you are not. (perfect) that is ... sometimes people like to sweep their human errors under the rug and pretend to be so much more than they really are. But the truth is we are all human and we all mess up.

Emotions are something that God has put in us, and anger is one of them. The sin is not the anger but what we do with our anger. I have been where you are today, with feelings that arent't pleasing towards family members that have hurt us. God understands what it is like to have insults and lies thrown at a family member, isn't that what happened to Jesus prior to His crucifixion?

God also sees your heart, and it sounds like you have already asked God to forgive you and that you have a repentive heart. That is step one to overcoming your anger.

Praise God for what He has brought you thru, when people hurt me - I try to look beyond the hurt and try to understand the root of the hurt. Could it be that the person is hurting? or struggling in life? or far away from the grace of God? If your father is striking out - it may just be a sign for help - that underneath the alcohol is a layer of yearning to know what you have ... Gods grace and love and definetly His forgiveness!

God loves you Laurie Ann - walk in His love and forgiveness!


Nancie said...

Laurie Ann,

My heart goes out to you in the difficult times you have gone through. It is not easy to manage anger and I stumbled too. Sometimes I find it helpful to pray for the other person though it is not always easy.

I am thankful that God is helping you to manage and you find forgiveness in Him. Do take heart that God knows our struggles and He will continue to help you as you look to Him each day. Your sincere desire to walk with God and openness in sharing your struggles are admirable. You are helping me and others to evaluate how we manage our situations too and how we can walk in obedience to God.

I enjoy reading your post and always encouraged by them. Thanks for visiting me and commenting too. Thanks for all your Friendship and encouragements. I have two awards to share with you (Share the Love and Friendship Award). Do come over when you have time. Take care and God bless you always!

With appreciation and prayers,

Cheryl said...

Laurie Ann,

I think Laurie and Nancie's comments were great to you. It is not easy to deal with certain people. I will share over here with you, my unspoken prayer request has been regarding something similar with a family member(s). These one are not Christians, so that much more of a problem.

Prayer! That is what gets me through. Satan tries to get us any way he can.


BTW - I'll get you my list of Bibles.

Have a great weekend!

Denise said...

I love your honest, open, very precious heart. God does too. I am sorry for the things that you have had to endure.

Earthmommy said...

My friend this post made ME angry and I don't even know your family or your father. I can't even imagine someone saying something so thoughtless and hateful. I'm sure the Lord understands your pain and had already forgiven you in advance. You are to be commended that you are trying so hard to behave in a loving Christain way after enduring sucha lifetime of pain. The Love of the Lord shines through you.

Twinkle Mom @ Sunflower Faith said...

*hugs* What I admire about you so much Laurie, is your frankness, your honesty and your strength and faith in our Heavenly Father.

Praise God that He doesn't expect us to be perfect only human for He knows we are imperfect and there was only one perfect person who died for us.

God bless you Sister for trying to overcome, to manage and to balance.

I'm so sorry to hear and read what your father has said and done and God bless You for forgiveness which is so hard for many to do and it's difficult because our hearts want to do another that our souls say not to do.

*Hugs* God loves you and He doesn't burden you with anything more than He already knows you can handle and He shares in your fears, your sadness, and more than anything compassion for you and your heart and your soul.