A Magnolia's Heart Beats

Forgive Me Friday

Proverbs 29:11 says, ""A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

Psalm 4:4 says, "In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Selah."

How do you handle anger? I handled it very badly yesterday. I gave full vent to it and did not keep myself under control. I sinned big time in some words that I said. I did not use love to cover up a multitude of sins poured out by my father who had so angered me.

If your sister called you and told you that your father accused your sister of trying her best to kill her unborn son just because she called and asked for some paper towels so she could sit down on the floor and wipe out the bottom cabinets in her kitchen, What would you say? How would you feel? How would you comfort her sobbing and heartbreak at his accusation that Mother killed their first child (she was 7.5 mos. pregnant)?

If your father accused your mother of murdering their son because she reached above her head to get a bowl down from the top of the cabinet and the next thing he knew, she had killed his son, in front of a friend, what would you do, besides thank God that it was "only" your best friend and not a whole group of others who may not know "how Daddy is"? What would you say? How would you feel?

I felt like I was going to be ill. I was ashamed. And I cussed twice! Not to his face, though. I just nodded and took the venom he spewed at me, not standing up for my mother, half-heartedly standing up for my sister. I was basically blown out of the water that he would make such a statement. How could mother reaching for something in a cabinet cause her to miscarry? It didn't. The doctor told her he didn't know what happened. That was way back in the day. I don't know what year our brother was born into Heaven. I was born in '70 and my parents have an older daughter who is 3 years older than me. My sister is almost 13 years younger than me. (Surprise!)

The full vent to my anger part came from sharing with H, she of the http://magnoliaheartbeats.blogspot.com/2008/06/god-bless-amy-for-hosting-wfw-every.html post. Also vented to my sister and my mother and majorly vented to my husband.

I confessed it to God, forgave Da Chief (affectionate name for my dad) and have been really praying that God would show me how to love him as He loves him. I want to. I am working on it.

My dad is the only issue in my life where I can go from The Good Christian to Livid Laurie Ann from zero to sixty just like that. Did I mention that I am an adult child of an alcholic? A recovered alcoholic, PTL, but not before the damage was done and the family was scattered.

The words he said yesterday were the worst I can ever remember him saying, and I was totally humiliated that he said them in front of Harriett. It hurt more than when he and his oldest daughter told me when I was was growing up that I was crazy and needed to be institutionalized but he still loved me anyway. I don't remember that exactly, but I saw it on a chart from my psychiatrist's office a few years back. I was not crazy and did not need to be institutionalized. I needed a normal childhood. But this is not about that. Just giving background on the hurtful things he can say and do.

What I'm doing now is an evaluation of my heart. Based on my 2 cuss words yesterday (not the BIG one, they were little, but they were still cuss words), my heart is rotten to the core!

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." - Luke 6:45
So on anger...

Are you silent when you're angry?

How do you handle it when someone "gets your biscuit"? Makes you boiling mad?

And makes you feel like a hypocrite?