Friday, February 27, 2009

Welcome to Friday Funnies, hosted by Kim at Homesteaders Heart. Fridays are always a good day for a chuckle! Thanks to Kim for hosting this meme each week. Be sure to visit her sight for more funnies and link up and share your own by clicking on the button above.
As I was reading down through these, I was surprised at how many I've actually used! If it's in italics, I've said it before myself. I've heard all used at one time or another. Enjoy!

Southern Sayin's
“It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.”
“My cow died last night so I don’t need your bull.”
“This is gooder’n grits.”
“If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.”
“Living high off the hog.”
“Slow as molasses.”
“Grinnin’ like a mule eatin’ briers.”
“Happier than a fat tick on a skinny dog.”
“As full as a tick.”
“Feel like I’ been caught between a dog and a firehydrant.”
“Finer that frogs’ hair.”
“Cuter than a speckled pup.”
“If I was any happier I’d be twins.”
"Who blew out your pilot light?"
"It's so good, it'd make a freight train take a dirt road!"
"My stomach's full, but my mouth ain't satisfied!"
"Well now! Don't that just fry your tater?"
"That steak's so rare, a good vet could save it!"
"That's about as easy as nailin' Jell-O to the wall."
"That feller ain't nothin' but an appetite with skin drawn over it."
"You can't chew with somebody else's teeth."
"That's like tryin' to sneak sunup past a rooster!"
"I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers."
"Sexy as socks on a rooster."
"Mad as a mule chewin' bumblebees."
"Now that he's sowed his wild oats, he's hopin' for crop failure!"
"He's all vines, and no taters."
"He'll never drown in his own sweat."
"It's like tryin' to herd cats!"
"If you shake his hand, count your fingers."
"If she heard that, she'd lay square eggs."
"He's about two jumps ahead of a fit."
"If it costs a dollar to go around the world, I couldn't get out of sight."
"That chili's so hot, it can make a cat pass a motorcycle!"
"I think the butter's slipped off your biscuit."
"He's as happy as a puppy waggin' two tails."
"You're goin' up fool's hill on the slippery side."
"Folks who get all wrapped up in themselves, sure do make small packages."
"You'll never get indigestion from swallowing you own pride."
"Who licked the red off your candy?"
"That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!"
"Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!"
"Well, slap my hand and call me silly!"

Things Southerner's Know

The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
What general direction cattywumpus is.
When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.
Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits!!
A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
Real gravy don't come from the store.
When "by and by" is.
The difference between "pert near" and "a right far piece."
Never to go snipe hunting twice.
It only takes once to learn what happens when you swallow tobacco juice.
Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.
Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.
The best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.
You don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"...And go your own way.
A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end. (be who you are)
Ain't that the berries! (that is great!)
As easy as sliding off a greasy log backward. (very easy)
Barking up the wrong tree. (you are wrong)
Be like the old lady who fell out of the wagon. (you aren't involved, so stay out of it)
Busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time. (very busy)
Caught with your pants down. (surprised and unprepared)
Chugged full. (full and over-flowing)
Do go on. (you must be joking)
Don't bite off more than you can chew. (attempt what you can accomplish)
Don't count your chickens until they hatch. (first know the results)
Don't let the tail wag the dog. (the Chief is in charge, not the Indians)
Don't let your mouth overload your tail. (talking too much)
Either fish or cut bait. (work or make way for those who will)
Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then. (everyone is sometimes lucky)
Every dog should have a few fleas. (no one is perfect)
Fly off the handle. (angry and lashing out)
Get the short end of the stick. (treated wrong)
Give down the country. (give someone a peice of your mind)
Go hog wild. (have a good time)
Go to bed with the chickens. (in bed early)
Go whole hog. (go for it all)
Gone back on your raisin. (deny heritage)
Got your feathers ruffled. (upset and pouting)
Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. (doesn't grasp or worry what's going on)
Have no axe to grind. (no strong opinion)
Holler like a stuck pig. (someone mislead you)
I do declare. (usually means nothing)
In high cotton. (rising up in society)
In a coon's age. (been a long time)
Like a bump on a log. (lazy and doing nothing)
Like two peas in a pod. (act and think alike)
Mend fences. (settle differences)
Scarce as hen's teeth. (no such thing)
Sight for sore eyes. (Nice to see you!)
Stomping grounds. (familiar territory)
Sun don't shine on the same dog's tail all the time. (you'll get what you deserve)
That takes the cake. (surprised)
Too big for one's britches. (someone taking themself too seriously)
Two shakes of a sheep's tail. (done quickly)
Well, hush my mouth. (shocked and speechless)


Homesteader in Training said...

I've said a bunch of them myself. I'm originally from Maine and my Mom and Dad have the funniest sayings. I'll have to start writing them down because it's funny how different the northern sayings and the southern sayings are!
Happy Friday my friend.
Don't forget to link up!

Denise said...

I love these, lol

He And Me + 3 said...

Ok, being married to a southerner...these were hilarious. So many I have heard come out of his mouth and that makes them even better. LOL

Tammy said...

I have heard a few of these from the north. :-) I am from Maine and my grandparents and their siblings have said a few of these. We have a couple at church who are from the south & I can hear these coming from them. :-)

saleslady371 said...

Laurie Ann:
You are so clever! I love these southern sayings. Equipts me to have some fun with my boss, a southern gent from GA. I'm praying for your friend, Melly.

Kelly said...

I said some just the other day!! So funny! Have a great weekend!

Jennifer said... is scary just how many of those I have said or still say! They are very funny especially reading them now. I will think about this post the next time one slips past my lips. LOL!

Happy Friday!

Sherry said...

Oh, my! These are good! I'm a military brat but I spent the majority of my life in the South. I've heard so many of these. LOL! Thank you for sharing!

Raise Them Up said...

Loved your southern lists. They made me smile. :)

Said a prayer for Melly, today, too.


Lady-in-the-Making said...

I KNOW all these! I especially say "We haven't done that in a coon's age!" LOL!

Darlene said...

Oh my!! I have actually said some of these!!! I use the finer than frog hair alot!!
Thanks for the laughs!!

Daphine said...

THANKS for the laughs!

Have a great weekend!

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

Too funny! Yep, I've said or heard said a few of these in my lifetime. I never knew that not everybody said "fixin to" until I went to college. Now I think about it every time I find myself saying it. Too funny! Thanks for the laugh! Hope you're having a great weekend!