Friday, July 18, 2008

I love this song. It's been on my heart tonight. Saturday is my sister's baby shower so I should be full of praise and excitement, and I am. It's going to be a great day of celebration for the anticipation of little Ethan's arrival. Showering her and her husband with gifts for the arrival, visiting with family...I'm thrilled that I'm getting to see my sister live her dream. She's always wanted a baby, and has had the first name for a boy and a girl picked out since she was playing with dolls herself. I prayed for this pregnancy from the time I lost Sydney. Since Jenn was 15 years old, I prayed she wouldn't be burdened with infertility, and she hasn't. God is truly a merciful God and a wonderful God. I love Him so much and am committed to living a life of continued faith in Him.

So why this song? Sunday will be hard for me. It will mark 10 years since Sydney Michel was born into Heaven. Where have the years gone? The pain has lessened, praise God, and I'm confident that God's plan is still perfect, but it's those milestone years that leave me melancholy. The first year was hard. I did great until the 5th and 6th years, the years she would have been starting school. My 10th birthday was exciting for me, because I had lived a "whole decade". I have 3 decades behind me now and am headed toward my 4th decade at a rapid pace. Another milestone. I've grown since then, so maybe it won't be as sad as it has in years past? One can hope.

God reminds me that He brings us to mountaintops of praise and valley's of hurt through many different ways. I'm praising God for the health of Jennifer and her baby and mourning the loss of my own. I'm praising God for good health for Momma and Melanie, and my uncle (their brother) is going through treatment for cancer. He started his treatment tonight, after jumping through insurance hoops to get it approved. He takes 2 pills a day for I'm not sure how long. Right now he is cancer-free after brain surgery to remove the malignant melanoma that returned from a year ago, which returned then from 21 years ago. How long will he be cancer-free? He's got one foot on the mountaintop, praising God, and one in the valley, wondering if he'll get to see his 7 year old twin boys grow up. God is faithful, though. He will do what He will do, and I will keep praising Him no matter what. His plans are always to prosper us and not to harm us, to give us a hope and a future. Whether that future is here on earth or in Heaven, He decides, and I'm learning to accept that His ways are not my ways and they are always for the best, through tears of joy or sadness. He is still God.

So...regardless of whether I'm on the mountaintop or in the valley, I proclaim this song:

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why
You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to


Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering
Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness
If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan,
I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see
You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

And now I am feeling very confident, very assured that God will see me through. Tomorrow my focus will be on what God is allowing to happen, Jennifer and her very pregnant self being honored, Jimmy trying to come to the shower (it's a family cookout) if he's not having any negative side effects from his treatment and my wonderful family, for which I am blessed. Hmmm...maybe I should have chosen "Shout to the Lord" for my song.
Please visit the other TSMS Saturday's, hosted by Amy, by clicking here or on the button at the top of the page.


LAURIE said...

thanks for sharing your worshipful heart with us. This was a great song, I loved the message. - Laurie

Denise said...

I love this song sweetie. May God bless your sisters baby shower. I am praying for your uncle Jimmy, hope he gets to be there. My heart hurts for you, I will be thinking of you, and praying for you on Sunday.

Tracy said...

Great, great song, Laurie Ann. My heart and prayers will be with you.

Jill said...

Thanks for sharing and your comments made me think of a quote I just heard this past week, "Often we don't want to come down from the moutain and live in the valley, but fruit only grows in the valley." So I pray you will sense God's presence as you walk thru the difficult days and memories. He will bless us, even when we don't understand and by sharing you're letting Him bless others as well. Thanks, Jill

Chelsey said...

My heart both hurts for you and rejoices with you. Thank you for being a living, breathing testimony of the love and grace of the Father. You bless me girl!

boutcrazy said...

My prayers are with you this week and for your family. Thank you for sharing this song. I'm so glad I was led to your site, it is beautiful and you have a beautiful spirit.

Cheryl said...


Great song! Especially love that you shared your heart. Life seems so difficult at times. One of those times is now. But HE does know best. But, this is just our journey to a better place! That makes it bearable.

Praying for you and your family!


Amanda said...

Wow. Waht a testimony...of faith and courage.

I have never heard this song, but I am so thankful I got to hear it here for the first time, where the words could leave such an everlasting impact.

You will be in my prayers dear sister in Christ-
God bless-

Earthmommy said...

So touching, thank you for sharing this today.

Melanie said...

Hi, Laurie. Such a beautiful song. I'll be thinking of you on Sunday and praying to the Lord for you to be blessed with comfort and peace.

Stop by and visit me on Monday... there will be a surprise waiting for you!

Dawn said...

Lauie Ann I am so glad I found your place and I'm so bless that you share your heart with us and that you're shared your heart with me. It helps to know I'm not alone in how I feel and that the sorrow is still there and I'm not crazy for feeling sad and down (yesterday was a month and it still feels yesterday). I'll be praying for you!

amy said...

awww you've made me cry here. What a special post. I've lost 3 babies on our walk to parenthood.. so like you my sibling had a baby in their family this year and it meant the world to me that they didn't have to suffer like we did... i'll have to write a post about it one of these days.

Hugs and prayers my sweet friend!