A Magnolia's Heart Beats

I love this song. It's been on my heart tonight. Saturday is my sister's baby shower so I should be full of praise and excitement, and I am. It's going to be a great day of celebration for the anticipation of little Ethan's arrival. Showering her and her husband with gifts for the arrival, visiting with family...I'm thrilled that I'm getting to see my sister live her dream. She's always wanted a baby, and has had the first name for a boy and a girl picked out since she was playing with dolls herself. I prayed for this pregnancy from the time I lost Sydney. Since Jenn was 15 years old, I prayed she wouldn't be burdened with infertility, and she hasn't. God is truly a merciful God and a wonderful God. I love Him so much and am committed to living a life of continued faith in Him.

So why this song? Sunday will be hard for me. It will mark 10 years since Sydney Michel was born into Heaven. Where have the years gone? The pain has lessened, praise God, and I'm confident that God's plan is still perfect, but it's those milestone years that leave me melancholy. The first year was hard. I did great until the 5th and 6th years, the years she would have been starting school. My 10th birthday was exciting for me, because I had lived a "whole decade". I have 3 decades behind me now and am headed toward my 4th decade at a rapid pace. Another milestone. I've grown since then, so maybe it won't be as sad as it has in years past? One can hope.

God reminds me that He brings us to mountaintops of praise and valley's of hurt through many different ways. I'm praising God for the health of Jennifer and her baby and mourning the loss of my own. I'm praising God for good health for Momma and Melanie, and my uncle (their brother) is going through treatment for cancer. He started his treatment tonight, after jumping through insurance hoops to get it approved. He takes 2 pills a day for I'm not sure how long. Right now he is cancer-free after brain surgery to remove the malignant melanoma that returned from a year ago, which returned then from 21 years ago. How long will he be cancer-free? He's got one foot on the mountaintop, praising God, and one in the valley, wondering if he'll get to see his 7 year old twin boys grow up. God is faithful, though. He will do what He will do, and I will keep praising Him no matter what. His plans are always to prosper us and not to harm us, to give us a hope and a future. Whether that future is here on earth or in Heaven, He decides, and I'm learning to accept that His ways are not my ways and they are always for the best, through tears of joy or sadness. He is still God.

So...regardless of whether I'm on the mountaintop or in the valley, I proclaim this song:

The pathway is broken

And the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why

You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to

Chorus:

Cause I'm not who I was

When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise

You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will go through the fire

If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering

Your love put You through

And I will go through the darkness

If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan,

I'm gonna sing, gonna shout

Gonna look into your eyes and see

You never let me down

So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you

And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

And now I am feeling very confident, very assured that God will see me through. Tomorrow my focus will be on what God is allowing to happen, Jennifer and her very pregnant self being honored, Jimmy trying to come to the shower (it's a family cookout) if he's not having any negative side effects from his treatment and my wonderful family, for which I am blessed. Hmmm...maybe I should have chosen "Shout to the Lord" for my song.

Please visit the other TSMS Saturday's, hosted by Amy, by clicking here or on the button at the top of the page.