Monday, November 10, 2008

I'm so glad you stopped by to visit me At the Well this morning! I'm running a bit late. Daddy had his first pacemaker appointment. They check it by phone and he wanted me to be there to help him. He handled it like a pro. Most pro's get a little anxious and overzealous, don't they? Hah! That being said, seriously, he could do this by himself next time but has asked me to come one more time, just in case. And, of course, I would go every time if he needed me.
My relationship with my earthly father doesn't mirror my relationship with my Heavenly Father at all. My earthly father was, and still can be, emotionally and verbally abusive. Our Heavenly Father is so loving and kind. Daddy has become a lot more kind since he stopped drinking. He did this about 5 years ago. Long after he had split our family apart. Mother took it for as long as she could, over 35 years, and decided that Jennifer, my youngest sister, didn't need to be raised in the home of an alcoholic. I'm so glad. Jennifer is a lot different than me. She came along late in life for them. Mother was 40 when Jenn was born, Daddy 50. I was almost 13. Jenn was 12 when they divorced. She had a strong attachment to Daddy, as we all did, but she was raised by Mother and had one thing I lacked growing up, stability and dependability.
I have a lot of resentment toward my father. He shows up just when I least expect him, at work, at home, through a cell phone call while I'm spending time with family....It's like I cannot get away from him. No peace. But I can't tell him that. It would have been nice for him to be there while I was growing up. Oh, he was physically there, loud and clear, just not in the kind-hearted way he is now. I have forgiven him but I can't exactly explain how I feel about him. I have a whole lot of love for him, but don't like him very much. I know that sounds awful. He's just not one of my favorite people to be around. That being said, I am around him often and am the first at his side when he's ill. September 8, just as I was finishing up an At the Well post, he called and said he needed me. Not those exact words, but he did. And I flew out of the office and was there for him. I never left his side until the next night. He had pacemaker surgery on my birthday and my mother put her foot down and sent me home to my husband. Well, actually she called my husband and told him to come get me, that I was exhausted and didn't have the sense to know it, hah hah! Mother and Daddy get along great for a couple who are divorced. Daddy was not a sickly man while I was growing up, except for a horrible case of the shingles in 1979, that ran through his optic nerve. Fast forward to when he was 69 - he had 2 knee replacements and Mother was there. Fast forward a few years later - he had an aortic aneuryism (I'm in too big of a hurry to do spell check) and she was there. Heart stints - she was there. Kidney cancer - ooh, that was a doozy - she was there. My mother is like the tide. She is dependable. She's steady. She's reliable. You need her, she's there. She spent a night at the hospital with my dad when he had his kidney removed because their oldest daughter wouldn't and I needed a break, physically and emotionally. Who would do this for a man who abused her emotionally and verbally and once physically that I saw? My Mom. I love her like crazy!
Relationships are what my life is built around.
My husband Steve and I have been married for 17 years. He came with a bonus - his daughter, Kristyn. He had custody of her and I was in love from the moment she, in her 5 year old wisdom, said, "Hi, my name is Kristyn, and my Daddy has had a million wrecks!" She captured my heart! We married when she was 6, which seems like yesterday. I wasn't able to have children (go here to read about that)
Interrupt - see? There he was. I left him not an hour ago and he just popped in to get me to read what I had written down this morning. ARRRGH! forward to now.
Who am I?
I am...
In total love with my Savior. My heart beats to serve Him and to do His will.
Not perfect. I am forgiven and try my best again every day.
A wife, bonus-mom, grandmother, daughter, aunt, niece, granddaughter, cousin, and friend.
Not spontaneous.
Black and white. I don't like shades of gray.
In love with blogging.
A big believer in punctuality. Both mine and the other persons.
One who works outside the home. I love my job, although it has been crazy busy lately.
Completely in love with my grandchildren.
One who dreams of writing - not for a living but for serving Christ. My dream is to write devotions, and through my blog, I realize I am living out my dream sometimes.
A dependable person.
One who suffers from 3 chronic illnesses. Depression is under control with meds, fibromyalgia flares up from time to time, and IBS flares up more often than not when I'm stressed or eat the wrong thing.
In crazy love with my husband. He's my best friend, my lover, my confidant. He is my knight in shining armor, and I don't mind the kinks in it. I sing his praises, not his faults. We work out our differences by communication. We are quick to apologize and don't go to bed angry. Yesterday morning we got in a tiff. He said some things, I bit my tongue until it hurt and then lashed back, but by 3:00 I asked him if he'd rather live on the corner of a roof than with me. He forgave me, LOL, and understood my disrespect. He said he had it coming, which he didn't.
One who obviously bites her tongue until it bleeds to keep from saying bad things, which occasionally pop out anyway. Then I go to the Father. But I'm getting better! I am trying to work on the words I speak. I am learning to be quiet and not say anything more often than not.
Not a cusser. I just don't cuss. Not too long ago, my husband lost his temper and I tried mimicking him in cussing. He told me I was not a good cusser and not to even try. It lightened the mood and made him laugh.
Friends with my bonus daughter's mother. We co-hosted a baby shower for her yesterday. We had the best time! It was so fun. Lots of her family came (we had them over in August for Baby Nolan's swim birthday party) and she was so sweet to invite my mother and sister and her baby.
Not a worrier. I will be doing a post on concern vs. worry soon!
Open to questions. You wanna know something? Ask me! I'll edit the post and answer below.
Let's have fun visiting other Women at the Well this morning as we get to know each other a little better. You've seen my warts, my faults and all. I hope you still love me! (cough, Approval Addiction Sufferer - almost in remission, though!)


Denise said...

Bless you for being so real my dear friend. I love you.

Jennifer said...

Laurie Ann, I only know you though your blog but you are an amazing woman such an encourager, full of insight and wisdom with a huge heart.

Thank you for sharing your heart daily and letting us see you exactly like you are. It is comforting to find the same quirks, faults and flaws in others and it is not just you who makes those mistakes :)

Have a blessed day.

LauraLee Shaw said...

Wow, what a heart! Your life is a testimony of forgiveness, authenticity, and Godliness. Just love you more and more the longer I know you in the blogging world. Wish we could REALLLLLy meet at the well. I'm quite certain I wouldn't walk home the same after talking with you.

JesusRulzMe said...

Precious sister Laurie Ann!

The more I get to know you, the more I love you! WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!

You're such a blessing to me and love how transparent and gracious you are! Oh, BTW, there are other colors besides black and white? WOW, thanks for letting me know! HA!!!

Love you sweet sister!

lori said...

HA! I must be the Lori Ann thing to be on TIME...I am a 'crazy person' when it comes to being on much so that we are usually sitting and waiting because we are TOO's a sickness really:)
Not a worrier either....
concerned, yes...but not worry!

It's been fun...knowing a bit more!

From one lori ann to another...

Daniel's Mom said...

Thank you for being so honest and open! Your Mother sounds so wonderful,much like mine. I'm very big on being on time,but my husband makes me late lol

momstheword said...

I love your honesty. I think, sometimes, that having a rough relationship with an earthly father can make it hard to accept and understand the love of a relationship with the Heavenly Father. How wonderful that that is not the case for you. Bless you for being there for your dad. BTW, I am very black and white too, and my tongue hurts sometimes from biting it! (Wish I bit it more...sigh!).

june said...

Thanks for your honesty, I was beginning to think I was the only
one with a horrible past.

You did a wonderful joy telling your story with your father.

Joyfull said...

Thank you sharing with us so openly. I am always blessed when I read of difficult pasts (my parents struggled with drug addictions) and the overcoming grace that they find in Jesus. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman and I can see you take after her. It was a joy and blessing to get to know you better.

Debra said...

Laurie Ann,

Your relationship with your earthly father and mine just about mirror each other. Wow! I love your honesty and transparency. I love how you can pen it without it coming out uglier than it really is.

Blessings to you sweet sis!

Michele Williams said...

There were times I thought you were writing my story! I too had an abusive father, physically, verbally, mentally... I totally understand what you were saying...

Love you dear friend.

LAURIE said...

Laurie Ann,
thanks for sharing your heart with us today and we have all walked away with knowing you alittle bit better. As you described your mother I thought it sounded very familiar like a lady I have gotten to know....YOU! Sounds like despite the pain and the past that because of Gods forgiving grace you are there for your father as well. Something I very much relate to....blessings, Laurie

Amydeanne said...

okay, this is too rich Laurie! i loved your post! thanks for sharing it with me... funny that i was posting about who am i today as well!
hugs my friend!

4 Lettre Words said...

What an amazing post!! I just want to give you a hug b/c we are so much alike!! (Especially loved the no-shades-of-gray comment!!)

Have a wonderful week, dear Lady!

Melinda said...

I just love readin gyour posts about your family. I've read about your father before, and I mist say it touches me that you are there for him after such a difficult past. The love of Christ shines through you, no doubt. As to your writing dream, your are an amazing writer and the Lord is most definately working through you and your blog.

Jenn said...

What an amazing testimony you have for God's love. I can't begin to imagine the difficulties you face with your father, but it sounds like you are helping so many others that are in similar situations.

Betsy Markman said...

I've really been enjoying this "getting to know you" meme, and your entry was no exception! Thanks for being so honest (I hope your father didn't mind what he read on your screen).

God bless you!

BP said...

I have to remember to participate in this some week. It seems like a great meme.

Janet said...

Thank you for telling your story--and you have such a beautiful blog!