Friday, November 14, 2008

Here's my Friday Funny....
How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check the label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, pry cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a Dog a Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon or cheese.
Need more humor? Click on the button below to visit Kim and see the Friday Funnies everyone has shared. Link up and share your own, okay? Happy Friday, ya'll!


Susan said...

Hey Laurie Ann,

Now as a cat owner, this as soooooooooooo funny, and TRUE!!

Hope you have a blessed day my friend♥

Homesteader in Training said...

OH that is so funny! And probably true. I have a dog so I can relate to the last one lol.
Thanks for spreading some fun today!

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

That's about right too! WORKS JUST LIKE THAT... Especially the last one in a hotdog! LOL

Technonana said...

This would be funny if it weren't true... kinda like 'how to give a cat a bath'.

Michele Williams said...

I can relate! So funny... I have two cats and two dogs!

He And Me + 3 said...

And that my friend is why I don't own a cat. LOL Too funny!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Laurie Ann, that is so hilarious! and that would be why my personality is so much more suited to the doggies. Thanks for the laugh.

LauraLee Shaw said...

Oh, tooooo funny!!!

Debra said...

Laurie Ann,

Laugh out loud funny girl!

(Jay is hurting but they say tomorrow he should feel better..thank you for asking and praying)

((hugs)) to you sweet sis!

Under the Florida Sun said...

LOL!! I'm a dog lover so I can totally testify to this!!

Very funny!

Melinda said...

Oh man this IS true!! I have two cats and have had many others over the years and a few dogs too and this is totally true!!!

Denise said...

Funny, and probably true. lol